5 Tips to Setting Healthy Boundaries in Your Relationship
When entering into a relationship, the goal is longevity and happiness. A relationship without boundaries sets you up for an emotional free for all. Boundaries create a sense of what is acceptable and establish a foundation on which to grow. They give you and your partner a set of limits to keep your relationship healthy. Whether emotional, physical, or psychological, they allow you to say “no” to anything you are not comfortable with.
The idea of boundaries may sound awkward if you haven’t openly discussed them before, but they can be very empowering. Here are some tips to guide you along this process.
1. Honesty Is Key
Communication in a relationship is an important foundation piece. Having difficult conversations, however, can be challenging. Establishing boundaries may be one of those difficult or uncomfortable conversations. You want to make sure you are being as open and honest as possible for this purpose. There is no point in hiding your true feelings because it will only harm the relationship in the future. Reflect on what you want, what is important to you, and what your comfort limits are.
2. Actively Listen to Your Partner
If you’re having this discussion, you know you want your partner to hear and acknowledge your thoughts and feelings. In turn, you need to ensure you give your partner equal listening back. Hear their needs and truly listen to what they are saying. It may not be what you’re assuming to hear. It might even differ from what your boundaries are. Be mindful of your responses, and remember relationships are two-sided.
3. Revisit The Discussion As Often As You Need
Over time, everything changes. You will change. Your partner will change. The relationship will change. The odds are that your boundaries will change as well. Don’t be afraid to revisit your boundary discussion and make modifications as needed. Keeping ill-fitting ones will only create a toxic environment for you both. Think of it as an ongoing investment in a healthy relationship.
4. Space Isn’t A Bad Thing
Life can get overwhelming and overstimulating at times. Everyone hits a point where you just need some alone time. No matter how great your relationship is and how much you love your partner, there will be times when you need to take a step away. That is not unhealthy. You’re no good to them if you are overloaded and trying to push through. Don’t be afraid to ask for that time. Find a way to respectfully ask your partner for that space to regroup and recharge alone. Explain what you need and why clearly so they don’t take it personally or get offended. (Remember that open and honest communication part.)
5. Understanding How To Enforce Boundaries
At the end of the day, you’re both human. You are going to make mistakes and probably cross a boundary every now and then. It happens. You do need to establish what actions are taken when your partner crosses your boundaries. Be both firm and compassionate. It is an easier path to take to overlook it, but it opens the door for it to happen again (and maybe again). You don’t want your emotions, feelings, and boundaries ignored by your partner.
Maybe you weren’t clear, to begin with. Maybe you need to redefine your thoughts and feelings. If you’ve gone that route and the violation still happens, there must be the groundwork for consequences. Remember, boundaries are there to prevent toxic behaviors and environments.
By putting the work in to define these guidelines in your relationship, you are investing in a healthy future. If you need more guidance or assistance, contact us for a consultation.
